When you’re a kid, you can’t wait to be an adult, right? You can do whatever you want…go wherever you want to go…no curfew… Well, kids, let me just say that while all of that seems true, it’s a lie. Being an adult mostly stinks. In theory I can do whatever I want to do, go wherever I want to go whenever I want, except I can’t if I am going to be a responsible wife, mother, citizen. And yes, I have still have a curfew, and it’s not midnight, its about 7:30pm so kids can be in bed by 8 o’clock sharp.
The key is in the action, the verb—DO whatever, GO wherever, HAVE whatever… But I think the reason that being an adult stinks is just that—it’s choosing to BE over all of the other more fun verbs out there. BEING an adult means, well, being an adult. So being responsible because that’s the right thing to do. So all of the things I could and would love to do are trumped by what I should do. Sorry, this is starting to sound like a Dr. Seuss poem.
Yesterday was one of those days where BEING an adult stinks. Let’s just say it was one of those $2000 days, and I don’t mean that figuratively. Literally, yesterday was a $2000 day, not on the plus side, on the minus side.
Ah, cars. Yes, that stupid “service needed” light comes on. Actually came on awhile ago but we have been in denial. So finally Jon surrenders and informs me his car needs to go in. He drives an older Volvo that we bought of Craigslist last spring. It was sort of a miracle car itself. He was driving an old Honda (also bought off Craiglist) and upon moving back to LO and with more kids on the way, he wanted to upgrade from his sedan so he could transport kids. Plus if you drive too much of a lemon in Lake Oswego, you get pulled over like once a week. Seriously. When he lived here 10 years ago and drove his beater VW Golf around with the bumper attached by a bungy cord, he was frequently stopped by the LO police. Never ticketed. Just trying to figure out what that piece is doing in their hood.
So it was time to upgrade, not to something new (we have a goal in our life to pay only cash for cars because car payments are one of our least favorite adult luxuries!) but something new to us. At any rate, a friend out of the blue asked to buy his Honda, we sold it, looked on Craigslist for a Volvo wagon, went out and saw one, but the guy was asking double what we had for the car. So we passed. Yes, we are cheap, but we weren’t in a hurry so thought we would just wait it out, and save for when we do wanna buy. Well, for whatever reason, the day after we passed on this Volvo, the owner called us. Apparently a guy came to look at the car after us and totally lowballed him and it pissed him off. Plus the car seller said this guy was kinda a jerk about it. So lowballed him and was an A-hole of sorts. So the seller called us and offered us the car for the lowballed price, half of what he listed it for which happened to be the exact amount we sold our other car for. Why? Spite I guess. The seller said if he wasn’t going to make any money on the car, he at least wanted to sell/give it to people he liked. And the other guy was a jerk so he asked us if we wanted it. Can you say green light? Even if the thing was a piece, we were out no money and suddenly were driving around a bigger, nice, newer car than the week before. And it was AC and power windows (something our Honda did not have).
Okay, so that was a GIANT bunny trail. Bottom line: We bought a used car. Cars cost money. We have had the Volvo checked by a mechanic and it’s a great car, we got lucky. Not a lemon. However, the service light did come on. Seeing as we don’t have a mechanic here yet, we take to the dealership. Well there was a mistake right there. Turns out the service light comes on when you roll over a specific mile marker, you take it in, and they do a “tune up.” Well, said “tune up” cost us more than we paid for the car! Ouch!
Jon texted me the amount and I cussed back at him via text (yes, we often have important marital conversations via text…we may have named the twins via texting). Oh, and I openly admit that on specific occasions the F-word is my favorite expletive. Its just so right. And somehow when you’re texting it doesn’t feel quite as loaded. My poor husband. When the $&@! hits the fan, he gets the brunt of it. Great to be married, eh? Another “perk” of being an adult (I am being very sarcastic as I right this….all married people will agree that there are many moments when being married also stinks).
Today is also the day I need to go sign about 50 pieces of paper for our home loan. Jon needs to sign them too, but trying to go to the loan office with all four kids sounds like torture, so he goes in the morning to sign them solo while I watch kids, and then in the afternoon, he will come home and watch kids so I can go sign them. Again, BEING responsible. When he comes home for the hand-off, he informs me that the loan office also needs a check for $475 for the appraisal. “Didn’t I already pay that?” “That was for the inspection.” Favorite word comes out again, this time in person.
Well all this to say, I feel like steam is coming out of my ears. I don’t know why it’s so upsetting.. Amazing how this works, but when you buy a house it costs money! Imagine that. All adults have these days financially—when it rains, it pours and you feeling your hemorrhaging dollar bills everywhere you go and not for fun things. Blah. And it was $525, not $475. Details, details. I am sure this all stings a bit more because it’s Christmas, the most “wonderful” (translation: expensive) time of the year.
I got a little quiet time as I drove to the loan office alone in the suburban (cuz the Volvo of course is in the shop). The four car seats are empty, Charlie Brown Christmas music is playing and I am crying. Not a lot, just a little. This has been a damn expensive year. And lets be honest, it’s stressful. After I sign the loan papers and pay for the appraisal, I feel like I need a little perspective. It’s a beautiful day I drive to my new house. I pull up, get out, walk around and just remember—the walls my family gets to live in together. Laughing, crying, this is going to be the setting for our life of raising our kids in this place we feel like we have been brought to.
Life is expensive. And it’s just money, an inanimate object. It’s a means to something bigger. It will come and go and is a tool for the things that really matter. Thank you Lord that we have savings and emergency funds for rainy days. It stinks to have to use them, but that’s what they are for, right?
And I remind myself to that ultimately we started with nothing. We want to build up our empire so we feel nice and safe. Adults have insurance and savings accounts and IRAS and college accounts for their kids. Its a lot of work! So humbling, and hard. But it is being wise and being responsible. So its good.
And while being responsible is all good and right and so forth, I think the greatest thing about trusting in a God who we believe knows us by name is also being able to let the control go. We do life the best we know how, do the best with what He has given us, but there’s this intangible unexpected factor of life too. Things we can’t see around the corner, good and bad. He sees them and we can’t. And we can either chose to be afraid and hoard our stuff and people and try and protect protect protect. Or, we can hold these things as important but with our hands open. They are gifts anyway. All of the things I love the most in my life I am COMPLETLY undeserving to have—my family, my husband, children, parents, brothers, sisters…homes and jobs and cars… I don’t deserve any of this really. They are all gifts.
So instead of crumbling into a crying mess when my savings account dips below my comfort level, I try to remind myself that I don’t want to live a life bound up in fear and frustration, but instead to trust my Maker and to enjoy the day, enjoy the season, enjoy the gifts I have been given because they are vast in number.
